I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
