Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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