He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
