At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
