I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
