Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
