so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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