ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
