Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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