You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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