yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
