so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
