i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
