I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
