i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i've created a new STD.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
