I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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