I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
