1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
