Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize