They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
