As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
