so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
