toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
