just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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