Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
