my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
