I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
