I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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