he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
