dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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