what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
