You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
