Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
