I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
