Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
