Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
