i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
