I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
