I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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