I must be too annoying 4 u.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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