Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
