I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
