It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
