its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
