bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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