but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ok first of all what the fuck
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
