I will die if light touches me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
