I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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