I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
