i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
