I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
