Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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