No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
