I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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