FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
