i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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