I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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