We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
