who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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