That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
