her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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